tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post3358465379293397931..comments2023-10-11T05:36:23.401-07:00Comments on The Dude Whisperer: Dudefile# 34 - The Vibratorthedudewhisperer@yahoo.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03713994146134888074noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-55386400104870114702008-11-07T12:21:00.000-08:002008-11-07T12:21:00.000-08:00i second the "dump the vibrator" comment. For year...i second the "dump the vibrator" comment. For years i was a vibrator-only orgasmer and then in the interests of not having to deal with basically the same problem you're having right now, i went cold turkey to "retrain my clit" and, i forget how long it took but it couldn't have been more than a few weeks or I would have lost my mind; one day i got horny, was looking at some internet porn, and successfully used my hand. it was a hallelujah moment and a huge relief.<BR/><BR/>but besides that... who cares about the one dude out of three who was freaked out? he was a casual hookup anyway, so no loss. focus on the two other dudes who were completely fine with it, especially the one who was eager. there are more like him out there, if you don't feel like trying to detox from the vibe.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-16426894686896022032008-11-06T12:30:00.000-08:002008-11-06T12:30:00.000-08:00For ages, I could only gett off with a vibrator an...For ages, I could only gett off with a vibrator and was convinced that it was the only way. I had one boyfriend who could bring me to orgasm orally, but we broke up. For years, I never came during sex and if I was out of batteries, couldn't come at all. I just accepted it. In the past year, a few things happened that changed that. 1) I stopped taking ALL medications (birth control and occassional anti-anxiety meds) 2) My vibrator kicked the bucket at a time when I couldn't afford to replace it and 3) I fell in love and entered a committed, monogamous relationship. I think it's a combination effect: I am comfortable and relaxed with my partner (as well as incredibly attracted to him), I don't have any chemical hang ups (I could never come when drunk, once when high, but could never duplicate that effect. we usually have sex in the morning, so i'm sober and rested), and without a vibrator at my disposal, i slowly became more sensitive over a period of time. now, i can bring myself to orgasm manually (with the help of some lube) and for the first time, i orgasm semi-reguarly during sex, and if not, can usually finish the job afterward fairly easily. It's not impossible! I once thought it was.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-21153755256625977672008-10-13T20:09:00.000-07:002008-10-13T20:09:00.000-07:00The DW Rocks, as usual! Everyone's supportive com...The DW Rocks, as usual! Everyone's supportive comments are great too. I have heard a lot about being desensitized by vibrators so that is the only way you can cum. I don't know, I'm one of those freaks that cums too much, too soon, every time, usually more than once... SO FORGET ME...I just want to say that this nugget from the DW should be SET IN STONE or put someplace important (a calendar quote or something):<BR/><BR/>"Deception, especially where genitals are involved, does not do well in the long term."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-86497291224859052052008-10-12T17:10:00.000-07:002008-10-12T17:10:00.000-07:00oh, and thx for explaining the Clyde video:) sweet...oh, and thx for explaining the Clyde video:) sweet analogy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-89244702927889574992008-10-12T17:09:00.000-07:002008-10-12T17:09:00.000-07:00anon 9:10 again. Here here to the yoga comment ab...anon 9:10 again. Here here to the yoga comment above!! Yoga has helped my life in so many ways.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-86471848831542163622008-10-12T10:05:00.000-07:002008-10-12T10:05:00.000-07:00This isi in response the woman who needed her buzz...This isi in response the woman who needed her buzzy toy to cum.<BR/><BR/>Over the years I have found a few things that made orgasms challenging here are the top few:<BR/><BR/>1) Anti depressants, (including some herbal substitutes) can make it so allusive and unsatisfying I did not want to attempt it at all. Check the meds.<BR/><BR/>2) Using a vibrator at all got me accustomed to only being able to cum with a vibrator. AND it left my normally supper sensitive clit numb. It took weeks of no use to reset this.<BR/><BR/>So. Project one: Are you willing to relearn your body? <BR/><BR/>How about acquiring a Tantric practice?<BR/><BR/>There is a possibility that to do that you might get really frustrated in the mean time? <BR/><BR/>3) Any upsets with a past history of sexual abuse, (rape or starting too young, or being touched in anyway by someone that did not work for you at all, or someone you did not want to be touching you)<BR/>can really wreak havoc on a luscious orgasm. <BR/><BR/>Processing that out of your system how ever you do it – with a highly experienced counselor... even through a dedicated purposeful YOGA practice... works wonders!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-50243596285812929422008-10-09T22:29:00.000-07:002008-10-09T22:29:00.000-07:00You are not going to like my advice and will proba...You are not going to like my advice and will probably ignore it, but it would be to dump the vibrator; seriously. The clit has gotten totally desensitized by the over-use of the vibrator and is only making it more difficult for a non-vibrator orgasm to happen! <BR/><BR/>It will probably take a while, but if you could quit the vibrator cold turkey, after a while the sensitivity to an orgasm with something other than a vibrator (fingers, cock) would eventually return.Carriadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05932995584727463279noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-75678700707512595322008-10-08T23:46:00.000-07:002008-10-08T23:46:00.000-07:00how a person orgasms has so much to do with the wa...how a person orgasms has so much to do with the way they first experienced sexual pleasure... like as a kid or young adult. our bodies and brains are conditioned over time to react to certain stimulation in a certain way. we begin to associate certain feelings or stimulation or memories or fantasies or whatever, with the reaction we are used to getting from it- especially from our first formative experiences. i started masturbating when i was young with a little hand massager and for years and years could only have an orgasm with that same kind of stimulation. i had to completely consciously retrain my body and mind to react to different stimulation. most fetishes and fantasies and general sexual behaviors come from the visceral associations people have from their earliest sexual memories. so in that way i think if its treated as both a visceral, emotional issue and is sort of deconstructed intellectually, (making connections with memories and associations you may not be consciously aware of all the time) you can absolutely overcome those restrictions that have become such a monumental issue in your mind. until that is accomplished, just have fun! don't stress! vibrating cock rings are awesome and easy. the best thing about casual sex is learning and experiencing new things with new people who experience things in new and different ways. your partners are going to be stoked and lucky to be with a woman who knows how to get some shit taken care of! little challenges like this are great opportunities to figure out and try awesome stuff you never would have experienced otherwise. sex is boring if its just the same thing all the time. and absolutely don't feel guilty for wanting to be fulfilled and satisfied. just because its not as easy for you to come doesn't mean you don't deserve to as much as the next guy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-89199374703771218772008-10-08T17:17:00.000-07:002008-10-08T17:17:00.000-07:00sorry tucat, i think you ARE wrong. trust and love...sorry tucat, i think you ARE wrong. trust and love factor into it, but what they factor into is comfortability. if trust and love make you comfortable with someone, then maybe it'll happen. if hot sex with random nameless strangers makes you comfortable, then maybe it'll happen. it's different for everyone. but if whatever makes you comfortable isn't there, it's not gunna happen. <BR/><BR/>i'm one of those where sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't. never from sex, only from fingers or oral. but it always happen with a vibrator! and i'm ok with that. not weird.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-49406710117398788242008-10-08T16:58:00.000-07:002008-10-08T16:58:00.000-07:00I think it is something to do with trust and love ...I think it is something to do with trust and love - could be wrong !Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-8197908883107587362008-10-07T21:14:00.000-07:002008-10-07T21:14:00.000-07:00I also have a really hard time having an orgasm wi...I also have a really hard time having an orgasm with a guy. It has happened about five times in the entire 25 years I've beem having sex. Two of those times was with casual partners in the past two years since my divorce and I chalk those up to the excitement of sex with a hot stranger after a lifetime of one partner. <BR/><BR/>I had an argument with one of my casual partners about it--he hinted that something might be wrong with me because I didn't cum with him. Never mind that he was ABYSMALLY BAD in bed, I mean it was five minutes of my life I'll never get back again, SERIOUSLY, and apparently every other woman he'd ever been with had cum explosively with him. I snapped at him that many women fake it and the odds were pretty good at least SOME of them had faked it. Thus ended that encounter. <BR/><BR/>This was an issue all through my 16 year marriage and I've found this out about myself--if a guy puts any pressure on me to cum, I mean ANY AT ALL, I shut down immediately and there's no way it's happening then. I'm just so sick of it being all about them. <BR/><BR/>OD, I understand your frustration about guys who take it personally. So far I haven't run into one man who can handle it. It can be very depressing and frustrating.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-31047933335821987042008-10-07T20:53:00.000-07:002008-10-07T20:53:00.000-07:00many years ago, when i was in college, i was talki...many years ago, when i was in college, i was talking to a bunch of people who lived in my dorm in one of those late night bonding sessions. in that conversation, it turned out that none of the women had ever had an orgasm from sex. some could cum from fingers, some from oral, and some not at all. oddly enough, all the dudes claimed that all the women they had had sex with had orgasms. every single time.<BR/><BR/>hmmm.<BR/><BR/>i bring this up to point out that:<BR/> <BR/>1. od is not a freak. as a matter of fact, she is quite normal. <BR/><BR/>2. there are a lot of women who fake it. or there are a lot of clueless dudes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-17763218757761649242008-10-07T20:19:00.000-07:002008-10-07T20:19:00.000-07:00Nothing weird about it. Another can't come if my l...Nothing weird about it. Another can't come if my life depended on it woman here. I have to have a heavy duty vibrator, and I can't even be in the same room with a guy for it to work. Except for the one spontaneous orgasm I had during sex about a year ago, that has never returned. And I don't make a big deal about it, and neither does my husband and I enjoy sex and get off in my own time and we are both happy.<BR/><BR/>I will mention, DW, though, that some men take the "I can't orgasm without a vibrator/at all/whatever" as a personal challenge. Of course you can't, because you haven't been with <I>me</I> yet. And it is super annoying. Especially if it is a one night stand, I'm not interested in being some accomplishment for some dude I might not see again, and why can't some men take "it's not going to happen" as just that, and move along and enjoys themselves?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-12215175591816909272008-10-07T12:26:00.000-07:002008-10-07T12:26:00.000-07:00In the immortal words of a fling of mine: nothing ...In the immortal words of a fling of mine: nothing that gets in the way of your coming is allowed. Such a sweet boy. <BR/><BR/>Just bring the vibe to bed with you in a matter of fact way, because there is nothing wrong with needing a technical assist. Completely normal. Peace with your needs has to START with you though, because (to a degree) you set the tone with your own expectations. This used to be an issue for me - and the more matter of fact I got about it, the better a time I had. NO one worth fucking is going to care and most of them will be happy to play with all your toys.Junohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13817076179408532919noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-40168308610396019842008-10-07T12:17:00.000-07:002008-10-07T12:17:00.000-07:00dewd is right again!also, you might try getting so...dewd is right again!<BR/><BR/>also, you might try getting some sexier toys made for two. go to goodvibes.com and browse around. they have the amazing fuzuoku, the tiny vibrator that you wear on your finger. it's discreet, and, except for the sound, shouldn't disturb the dude's action any more than fingering yourself will. <BR/><BR/>they also have <A HREF="http://www.goodvibes.com/search/super_search.jhtml?action=newSearch&sources=gl&searchTerms=cock+ring+vibrator" REL="nofollow">this awesome toy</A> that's a cock ring with a mini-vibe attached. this is especially fun because the dude's got a vibe attached to his dick so he's getting it, too, and if you do it right, he's vibing you while you're fucking.<BR/><BR/>the key isn't finding a guy who already can deal with your vibe issues. the key is selling it on the spot. you know how to sell it or you wouldn't be getting laid, so just include the vibrator as a selling point.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-33211534753093108932008-10-07T09:27:00.000-07:002008-10-07T09:27:00.000-07:00oh, and it just seemed like 'right turn, clyde' wo...oh, and it just seemed like 'right turn, clyde' would be funny as in right turn + name + pop culture reference = bendy wiener.thedudewhisperer@yahoo.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03713994146134888074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-55547868646543389032008-10-07T09:25:00.000-07:002008-10-07T09:25:00.000-07:00hi, anon 9:10- first of all, thanks for the first ...hi, anon 9:10- <BR/><BR/>first of all, thanks for the first comment. really underscores some of what the DW was trying to say in a real and tangible way. <BR/><BR/>as for clyde- well, in 'any which way but loose' clint eastwood had an orangutan named clyde. (that's what the link shows) and in one scene he says 'right turn, clyde' and clyde punches a guy in the face bc a 'right turn' signal is an arm extended that direction. now that's comedy, huh? anyway, the DW couldn't find that particular clip anywhere on the whole wide interwebs, so he subbed in the other 'classic' clyde maneuver of faking getting shot which may or may not make any connection for folks who haven't come across that forgotten gem of a movie...thedudewhisperer@yahoo.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03713994146134888074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-77703094498809279042008-10-07T09:14:00.000-07:002008-10-07T09:14:00.000-07:00anon 9:10 here again, I don't understand the right...anon 9:10 here again, I don't understand the right turn Clyde reference. What does that video have to do with a bendy penis?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2207428611426906448.post-15778573581636773792008-10-07T09:10:00.000-07:002008-10-07T09:10:00.000-07:00I have several women friends who cannot orgasm wit...I have several women friends who cannot orgasm without manually stimulating themselves. If a guy rubs me with his fingers, I feel pain. I love oral sex and penetration, but fingers freak me out! I was sexually abused until I was nine, so for a while, when I started having sex, I couldn't get off unless I visualized some nasty fantasies. ummm not poop, but abuse fantasies. I went to therapy to figure it all out, because I really hated the fantasies, and I needed help, but I still don't like fingers. So, you see, what is normal anyway?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com