Monday, September 1, 2008

Online Dating Tip #4 - You Might Not Want To Show So Much Boob


It pains the DW to say this, it really does. In fact, in a parallel universe the DW’s twenty-year-old self is kicking the current day DW squarely in the nuts just for thinking it. But since the DW is a genius who cares, he will tell you – you might not want to show so much boob.

The DW is assuming there are reasons you have that shot in a bikini that’s this close to springing loose an areola and that shot where your black thong is as readable as sixty point type through your tight pink dress. Maybe it’s because you understand that dudes respond to visual stimuli. Maybe you want to show off the work you’ve been doing in the gym. Maybe you’re just the kind of freespirited gal who makes a habit of treating your boobies to plenty of sweet fresh air.

And that’s all fine. But here’s the thing. Dudes are already zooming in to the pixel trying to figure out how badly they want to cling tenaciously to your buttocks. They could take a picture of you dressed like a friar and find a way to get wood over your tawny thighs because of that one little swell they can see, right there, just to the left of the rope belt, catching that little bit of shadow. Online dating dudes don’t need any more encouragement than the stuff they dream up on their own. You put up a shot with twelve inches of cleavage you’re gonna be fighting off four and a half inches of wood. Skip the bikinis, the plunging sundresses, all that stuff the DW and other dudes dearly love.

Instead, try a strategy like this. If you really must reveal some figure, find a way to go with a girl next door approach. For instance, the post-10k race picture is always good. Your running shorts and slightly sweaty t-shirt show off plenty, and the situation implies you get regular exercise, but there’s less room for the wrong kind of dude to misinterpret that you’re cruisin’ for some wiener the way he might if you show the same amount of leg in photo of a mini-skirt and heels in a club half drunk holding a fruity vodka drink.

Hey, in a perfect world, show as much boob as you want. In the reality of online dating, though, fair or not, too much boob is just gonna get you the wrong kind of mail from the wrong kind of dudes. A dude can see if you’re the kind of cute he likes no matter what you’ve got on in your profile pics.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

a ren and stimpy reference always kicks it up a notch!

Anonymous said...

this is an aside that's related to the current blog. have you ever noticed that on craigslist personals dudes will post pics of their dicks? why??!!

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sby/cas/824763672.html

women don't like to see that! only gay men like to see cock.

yipes!

Anonymous said...

"You put up a shot with twelve inches of cleavage you’re gonna be fighting off four and a half inches of wood."

FOUR AND A HALF inches???

:(

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha, Anonymous 6:58!!!

Anonymous said...

What does powdered toast have to do with my buttocks?

thedudewhisperer@yahoo.com said...

11:01 - Powdered Toast Man sometimes encouraged people to 'cling tenaciously to my buttocks' as he flew them from place to place. The DW just could't find video of him saying it. (Seriously, of all the things on youtube and no tenacious clinging? Will somebody work on this?) Anyway, here's a picture...

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/168/449172374_1ecde19c88.jpg?v=0

Anonymous said...

11:01 here - Thanks DW. That makes sense. Well as much sense as flying toast buttocks can make at least.

online dating said...

I think the choice really depends on the person. One part of me feels like I have to be the one to fish through emails and look at profiles and go on a online dating that I choose because no one knows me better than I do. But another part of me would prefer an expert to match me up with someone and possibly eliminate those people I will not connect with. Maybe someday I will try both to see which works better.