Thursday, May 21, 2009

Poll Results #xb229

Well, hello there, good lookin' readers,

It's time to take a look at another set of Poll Results...

A poetic romantic dude makes me _______ .

melt  - 6%
suspicious  - 77%
uh, there are romantic poetic dudes? - 17%

Okay, so this one might have felt like a leading question because at the time, you may remember, we were examining The Poet in Dudefile #44 and The Poet was total 'suspicious' material. In love with being in love.  Flighty. Kind of a dipsh&t puppy dog. Etc. 

But, does it really seem right that 77% of you should be suspicious of any poetic romantic dude? Or that only 6% of you get all goofy squishy over one? How does this explain the explosive rate at which weaksauce jangly ballad songwriter dudes get laid? Again, maybe the numbers are just because the question seemed so leading. But if not, a lot of dudes are banging their heads on their laptops right now. 

They're thinking, "Wait- I thought I was supposed to be all sensitive and junk? You know, go to Hugh Jackman movies. Wear clean pants. Eat with a fork. But if poetic and romantic makes a woman suspicious maybe I'd do better just doing what comes naturally. Being an animal. Like Wolverine. But if I'm supposed to be an animal, how come my girlfriend insists that I don't fold the dishtowels properly. This is like the time circle in Terminator. My head hurts."

Look, the DW isn't trying to tell you what kind of dude to like. He's just pointing out, as s his wont from time to time, that all these confounding Dudefile dudes are just as confounded by you as you are by them. Which, as the DW has also said before, should actually be a comfort in some ways. They don't have any more of a f*ck of an idea what's going on than you do. You're on equal footing. You're driving, too. 

But enough about the Poll and back to Wolverine, or, rather, X-Men Origins: Wolverine for a second. The DW's impression? It was like 20th Century Fox doused his 10 dollars in kerosene and held it up to Logan's nubby cigar. The Wifey? Loved it.  What this adds up to is that, basically, the DW refuses to be critcized later in the summer when he suggests that Transformers 2: Michael Bay Craps Out Another Robot Car Chase Movie wasn't actually that bad even though it's patently obvious the only real reason why is because the DW's been blinded by 17 lingering shots of Megan Fox oiled up on all fours "fixing a motorcycle" with her antigravitational boobs in a halfshirt. Wolverine is mancandy fantasy, which the DW has not a single problem with, but you just can't pretend there's anything else to like about that warmed-over turdburger in a non-campy way. The DW will now stop typing or this will become a 7,000 word complaint that nobody wants to read.

And finally, a few reminders on how you can get the full DW experience on the rest of the interwebs. As you can see to your left on this page, the DW is, like, so 2009 he's on Twitter. Come on by and follow. Seriously, peeps, do you want to live in a world where Oprah and Jimmy Fallon can have a million followers, but the DW can't have a few thousand? Somebody think of the children! Same goes for the brand spankin' new DW page on Facebook. You're always wanted as a DW Facebook friend, as well, but if fandom is more your thing, come on by. The page should be set up to allow your comments and photos and whatever you feel like putting up. 

Best,

the DW

5 comments:

Alex said...

Since when is wearing clean pants equivalent to being sensitive and romantic?

Shoshana said...

DW, when you say "poetic romantic," I don't think of a normal dude who knows how to use a knife and fork and wears clean clothing. I kind of assume that a normal dude would pick up on such societal cues, and not consider them "poetic" or "romantic." Using utensils and wearing clean clothing is something I assume a dude knows how to do.

When I voted in the poll, I said that a "poetic romantic dude" makes me suspicious. My reasoning is that most guys who are really romantic/poetic are players/trying way to hard. I imagined a guy quoting poetry while gazing into my eyes and thinking to himself, "is she buying this? Will she sleep with me? should I bust out my guitar?"

I hadn't realized that your version of a non-romantic guy was ... an animal.

thedudewhisperer@yahoo.com said...

Hi alex and shoshana,

Seems like the DW had a joke fall a little flat here. By putting those thoughts into quotes and a theoretical dude's head, the DW was intending to kinda be poking fun at an exaggerated point of view of a clueless dude. Of course clean pants and a fork aren't romantic. They're a bare minimum expectation, hopefully. But the overarching point still stands. Is it necessarily true that a dude who busts out the guitar should be looked at with suspicion? Is poetry always linked to insincerity? These are things dudes often, and perhaps mistakenly, think women want. Sometimes they are used in a craptacular and calculated way, sure. Perhaps even most of the time. The DW was simply wondering aloud if is it possible that more than 6% of dudes could memorize a sonnet for you and Mean It. It's a conundrum for dudes to know how to woo you, is all. Just like it is for you to figure out how to woo them.

Alex said...

Perhaps you're just being poetic and exaggerating romance, or maybe I'm just not romantic, but if a dude read me poetry in an attempt to be romantic, I would feel really uncomfortable and would probably laugh. Maybe I have low standards, but my idea of acceptable romantic gestures from a dude include: trying hard to make a date nice by putting effort into remembering small details, remembering the little things I like and doing or getting them for me, and... well, actually, that's maybe it. It would be cute if a guy I was already dating read me a poem he liked just to share it, as that would indicate that he's not scared of reading poetry, that he likes to share, and that he's interested in my opinion, but poetry during the courting/trying to get into my pants process is just weird.

dw's wife said...

this is the dw's wife... i just want to point out that although the wolverine movie had lots of gratuitous half (and fully) naked ripped hugh jackman, i actually liked the movie for telling the story of wolverine. seriously.