Sunday, August 10, 2008

Online Dating Tip #3 - Beware the "Soul Mate"


Soul mate, partner in crime, chemistry. In the ear of the dude you want to meet these phrases and others like them mean, at best, wah-wah wah-wah-wah words words wah-wah-wah. At worst they mean, Ah, another gal taking a stroll through imaginary buzzword fairy land. No soup for you! Next! Think of how your eyes glaze over when you hear a politician say anything about Character of The American People or whatever. Blah. Blah. Stop it! What does that mean?!

And there’s a particular kind of tinge to these phrases that goes beyond just plain fairyland buzzword substitution of real ideas. They feel to dudes like fairyland buzzwords developed in a secret Siberian bunker by the people who invented Marie Claire, daytime dramas, Sarah McLachlan, and California Coolers. You’re not only confusing a dude, you’re making him picture life without balls.

The remedy? Just don’t write this stuff. What does “soul mate” mean to you? Really think about it. Type it out in your words. You’ll probably be surprised how much more compelling the idea seems to you and everyone else.

Now, a recent commenter mentioned that dudes also use “partner in crime” in their profiles. The DW finds this horrifying and can only hope that the reader happened to come across the profiles of James Blunt, Jack Johnson, and the Jonas Brothers that day. But maybe this is a good way to reiterate the above. Do you want a dude that would walk up to you in a grocery store or a cafĂ© and say, “Hey, wanna be my partner in crime?” Don’t those words out of a dude’s mouth set off your internal B.S. Alarm? Your Insincerity/Shallowness Detector? So what kind of dude do you think responds to those phrases when you use them?

And now, for no reason, the first part of Be My Valentine Charlie Brown, featuring the original voice of wah-wah wah-wah-wah-wah, Charlie Brown’s teacher.

12 comments:

Juno said...

Oh, they do, and not just the emo-hipsters types.

They want a soul mate, a partner in crime, a Princess or - my personal favorite. They're just an old fashioned romantic guy looking for a woman to treat right.

Which means that he'll bring you flowers once a year after he stays out all night drunk and - get back in the kitchen woman.

Next!

Anonymous said...

i think just as big of a turn-off / click-to-next-profile is the lack of personality!

"i can't belive i'm on (insert dating site name here), i never thought i'd do this but my friends talked me into it and i figured it was worth a shot. i like to go out and spend time with my friends, but i'm just as comfortable at home on the couch watching movies. i'm looking for someone who has a good sense of humor / likes to laugh / and can make me laugh. i'm pretty laid back. honesty is very important to me. i like to travel and try new foods..." etc etc etc. blah blah blah words words words.

my online dating advice: check out the competition. if you're a chick, read other chicks' profiles. if you're a dude, read other dudes' profiles. you'll see the patterns. and then don't follow them.

Anonymous said...

If I see one more dude ask for someone who can be "just as comfortable in jeans as in a cocktail dress," I will vomit.

Jnastychik said...

Not only do these guys ask for a 'soul mate' and 'partner in crime,' they demand 'chemistry!'

They write: "chemistry is vital, "there must be chemistry," "we'll have to have chemistry for this to work."

To which I say: NO, DUH! Why do they state the obvious? And how do their requests for 'chemistry' possibly attract people or weed them out? Der, dudes!

Anonymous said...

whoa, the comments section here has turned into the "what i hate about dudes' profiles" section!

Anonymous said...

I don't do online matching/profiles, but I found the advice well-founded and helpful. Maybe because I don't do online date-finding... I don't know what they typically say.

I have looked in real life for someone, and for no particular reason fixed on someone who likes me back but is unavailable. I may not have the right attitude to go fishing and find chemistry later, in other words. Do I think this person is my soul mate? Some days yes and sometimes, it's ridiculously no.

"Chemistry" is really weird, I guess. It's not who is most attractive, I guess that is how the DW can help. At least from this female's perspective, I could like quite a few people despite their faults (physical and intellectual), and be turned off by people who would otherwise animally attract me, for no apparent reason. My gut feeling is that men are more initially reactive to a physical "type" than women are, or maybe just me.

Anonymous said...

I was the last Anonymous, and in addition to physical and intellectual, I would add financial. I'm not a gold-digger. Maybe this whole situation is one I will be brave enough to ask the DW about later, unless it goes away.

Anonymous said...

as anonymous #1, i have to clarify: i did not intend to contribute to a "what i hate about dudes' profiles" complaint-fest! i was actually criticizing chicks' profiles, but i guess it translates...

Anonymous said...

DW, i understand what you are saying on the beware of the soulmate. but let me ask you as question that i think relates...do you think it's possible to find someone you are in love with and also compatible with? I've been struggling with this one, DW. I've had my fair share of relationships (read at least a few two year relationships) and I can't seem to find the right mix. I'm with this dude now, who is not only perfect on paper, but also in person but something is just not there for me. The little spark or chemistry that everyone was talking about. And sometimes I wonder, does it need to be there? should I be with someone who I am compatible with but not totally gaga over? Do you need that totally "in love" part too? I do love him and he's wonderful, but i'm not seeing stars when he walks in the room. DW, I'm not getting any younger and the doctors tell me I need to have kids in the next year or two. I feel like i'm in a pressure cooker of fertility. Whats the deal dude, can i be happy this way, or should i wait it out? am i being realistic? can you find someone with the spark and the compatibility too --the dare i say, soulmate? i've tried and i've failed. has anyone else had luck? what's your story? DW i need your help.

thedudewhisperer@yahoo.com said...

Hi anon 7:07. The DW can give you a fuller answer if you email the complete question with some details. He feels like it would set a precedent he couldn't live up to if he gave full answers in the comments section.

thedudewhisperer@yahoo.com said...

thanks!

Anonymous said...

DW, 7.07 here. i'll try to send an email along.

thanks for the feeback.