Sunday, August 10, 2008
Online Dating Tip #3 - Beware the "Soul Mate"
Soul mate, partner in crime, chemistry. In the ear of the dude you want to meet these phrases and others like them mean, at best, wah-wah wah-wah-wah words words wah-wah-wah. At worst they mean, Ah, another gal taking a stroll through imaginary buzzword fairy land. No soup for you! Next! Think of how your eyes glaze over when you hear a politician say anything about Character of The American People or whatever. Blah. Blah. Stop it! What does that mean?!
And there’s a particular kind of tinge to these phrases that goes beyond just plain fairyland buzzword substitution of real ideas. They feel to dudes like fairyland buzzwords developed in a secret Siberian bunker by the people who invented Marie Claire, daytime dramas, Sarah McLachlan, and California Coolers. You’re not only confusing a dude, you’re making him picture life without balls.
The remedy? Just don’t write this stuff. What does “soul mate” mean to you? Really think about it. Type it out in your words. You’ll probably be surprised how much more compelling the idea seems to you and everyone else.
Now, a recent commenter mentioned that dudes also use “partner in crime” in their profiles. The DW finds this horrifying and can only hope that the reader happened to come across the profiles of James Blunt, Jack Johnson, and the Jonas Brothers that day. But maybe this is a good way to reiterate the above. Do you want a dude that would walk up to you in a grocery store or a café and say, “Hey, wanna be my partner in crime?” Don’t those words out of a dude’s mouth set off your internal B.S. Alarm? Your Insincerity/Shallowness Detector? So what kind of dude do you think responds to those phrases when you use them?
And now, for no reason, the first part of Be My Valentine Charlie Brown, featuring the original voice of wah-wah wah-wah-wah-wah, Charlie Brown’s teacher.