Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Dudefile # 41 - I Offered Him Some Dirty Pictures

Dear Dude Whisperer,

Okay,  this is a little embarassing but okay… so I have been seeing this guy for a few weeks. And he went out of town. Well I offered him some dirty pictures to get him thru the trip but he declined my offer. He is a little bit older than me(33) so I just put it off on his age. But there is a part of me that is offended. I know that his ex wife was better looking than me...but...I dont know. Should I be offended or is this in my head? 

What do you think?


Hi O(?),

First of all, the DW would just like to extend you a mental high five for breaking down the Naughty Picture Barrier all on your own like that. Dudes across the world, at this very moment, are hinting super-subtly or ‘joking’ about this stuff and keeping it on the safe periphery with their special ladyfriends because, right or wrong, they perceive it as a treacherous topic. If dudes thought they could just come out and say, “Hey, maybe tonight we could take a bunch of pictures of you naked. And, you know, horny lookin,’” they would just come out and say it. 

It’s kinda like anything during sex that involves your anus. Dudes are gonna really roam the perimeter, ‘accidentally’ get real close, gauge reaction, lather, rinse, repeat, and then finally make some totally clumsy maneuver one night when they’re finally drunk enough. 

Anyway, yeah. Normally a dude would not only totally take you up on the pictures, but ask if you took requests. “How ‘bout one like this? Okay, now lift this over here and put that like this and…”

That said, don’t be offended. For two reasons. 

First, while it’s true that on this blog the DW is over and over addressing situations where his advice could be summed up as, “Duh. Drop this dungsack of a dude. Now,” he does also like to remind his readers from time to time that there are, in fact, plenty of modest, shy, decent, thoughtful dudes out there.  Really. It’s true. Now, is this dude necessarily one or all of these things? No. But if a dude was to make a list of Pros and Cons about accepting your boobie pics, there isn’t much to put in Con except some kind of moral objection. And in that case his nature is offended by the naughty picture part not the you part, if that makes sense.  Nothing for you to be concerned about unless you simply can’t handle a dude so square. 

Second, as you suspect, dude’s age might be an issue. 33 means he’s just old enough that MySpace and Facebook and everybody having a blog is a little foreign to him. He may not have had regular email access until he was 18 or 20 (which, the DW realizes, to his younger readers makes this dude sound Paelolithic. What else did he use? Rotary phones? Tape decks? Um, actually, he might have...). 

Anyways, people maybe just 5 years younger than him might have a totally different idea of how much of their lives it is normal to have exposed to others. It's simply not as natural for a 33 or a 38 or a 42 year old dude to take a picture at a club and email it to half his friends from the cab on the way home. He might have way fewer pictures than a 22 year old dude posted on his online dating profile. He might wonder why in the hell someone would feel the need to Twitter about their current doings and whereabouts.  You get the idea. So, you extend this different idea about, er, exposure, and it could seem a little odd or overly loaded with significance to get nudie pictures (that could be easily posted to the internet or sent to her mother, for god's sake!) from a girl you've been seeing for a couple weeks. 

Best of luck working this saucy picture thing out to everyone’s satisfaction. Remember, too, you can just always ask the dude for an explanation. This certainly qualifies as uncommon enough that dude shouldn’t be surprised at a little confusion on your part.


the DW


jonnysgirl said...

One bit of missing information...where was he going out of town to??? Perhaps he was going to see an old girlfriend or some other woman? If that's the case, he wouldn't need anything to 'get him through it'. Jus' sayin' Or maybe he was going to see his Mom? I dunno about the age thing...I'm 38 and my boyfriend is 34 and we are far apart a lot and I am always sending him pix (showing off the new lingerie or undies bought for his enjoyment, etc.) and he certainly puts in requests ("OK, now send one with you bent over, from behind!". I think she should DEFINITELY ask for an explanation for the decline, I mean, even if he didn't need them for the trip, wouldn't he just want them in general???

Anonymous said...

Yeah I would ask him but don't assume anything. Ask when you're not upset or emotional. Be cool about it but honest with your emotions, but without acting out your emotions. If you come across defensive or accusing you'll just shut him down. I think it will be good for your relationship to talk about and understand more fully where you are each coming from in this situation. And let us know how it goes!!!
I would feel rejected too but don't let this get to your self confidence. Tell yourself some fantastic affirmation, like "I am a gorgeous person inside and out" - that always helps me:)

Anonymous said...

Anon 11:24 again - whoops you said you felt offended not rejected. I would have felt offended AND rejected if it was me, so I just thought I'd clarify because I don't want to assume you felt rejected:)!

Anonymous said...

More than likely, if you've only been seeing him a few weeks, in my opinion, observation, and/or experience, he doesn't want someone else to find that picture in his possession, and possibly throwing it in the garbage was his only other option. I think offering to do it is a little presumptuously possessive, even if you did already have sex. It's a "couple" sort of thing to do, no? It's a little too friendly, if you see what I'm saying. You trust an older man you hardly know to take a photo of your nethers with him out of town, it's probably a good sign he said no to the pics instead of yes.

Anonymous said...

Dude Whisperer- Could you whisper to all your guy friends that asking or suggesting to take naughty pictures should not be ranked up there with anal sex. In my humble opinion if you are in a committed relationship with someone you should feel comfortable enough to discuss sexual desires, no matter what they are.

Anonymous said...

DW, did you retire?

Anonymous said...

come back, dude whisperer!

thedudewhisperer@yahoo.com said...

8:08 and 12:57 - I didn't retire! The unforgivable lag was simply real life inspired. The DW has been working full 40 hour weeks for the first time in a couple years and it is seriously cramping his style. Apologies for the recent lack of genius. All effort will be made to keep the previous regular-ish schedule intact going forward...

thedudewhisperer@yahoo.com said...

3:47 - The DW will pass the word along. Just as a point of clarification, though- are you saying that either the pics or the bottom are more serious? or that neither is a big deal just to bring up and talk about? The DWs confusion comes from using the word 'rank', which implies hierarchy, but then it seems like you are arguing for all things being okay. Make sense?