Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Dudefile #2 (part two)

Hey DW,

Yeah, I kind of knew from the beginning where this was going to go, but went along with it anyway. I guess, in case I was wrong about things. Yes, I brought it up. Yes, he was surprised. He simply assumed that I was ok with the way things were going. He never asked, he assumed. I never brought it up and let him assume that it was...but secretly wanting more. I hate the dating scene and the games we must play.

Question: When did you realize that you were done with the casualness and wanted more? Or did you just find the right person?

Your insight is great...you're awesome, I think this whole Dude Whisperer is pretty fucking cool! Props to DW's wife for picking a winner.


Hi LS,

Well, sorry to be right. And the DW can't resist a brief additional note regarding assuming. Dudes don't look at it as assuming. They look at it as using the information available and reaching a conclusion. That's why secretly wanting things is basically never going to lead to a dude giving it to you. Hinting either. Want something out in the open and the dude will either give it or not and you'll both be more informed way sooner. A lot of the things the DW does for his wife he still doesn’t understand at all and never would have figured out on his own.

As for your casualness question- with dudes it often comes to getting some other things straightened out in their life, as well. Maybe a dude figures out what his career is, or where he’s living, he just gets tired of going out all night all the time, maybe televised sporting events seem less life or death, whatever. He just grows up a little and sees how much the relationship thing really affects another human being and so he starts acting accordingly. One important thing to know, though- it's rarely that "you find the right person" that makes you a better relationship dude. Maybe never. That's more Diane Lane / Drew Barrymore stuff. Forget it. I know women like to think they have that power, but a dude will not change and go from jerk to seeing the light in the span of your relationship. Won't. Can't. Put it out of your head. You get involved with a certain kind of dude, expect him to stay, in a general sense, that kind of dude.

Anyway, thanks for liking the DW, LS! And the DW's wife appreciates the props.

the DW

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