Monday, May 12, 2008

Poll Results #5 and #7

And now it's time for another Dude Whisperer Poll wrap-up. Thanks again for reading and voting. Here's what you said:

Poll results #5

You go out to a movie. The movie kind of stinks. Which redeems a bad movie the most?

Some serious man candy – 53%
A heart-tugging romance – 10%
Lots of good snacks – 37%

A dude goes out to a movie. The movie kind of stinks. Which redeems a bad movie the most for a dude?

Seriously hot women – 25%
Explosions and sh*t – 60%
Lots of good snacks – 13%

Okay, so this one was an excellent example of how the DW is a typical dude who probably believes way too many stereotypes. Heart tugging romance got 10 percent?

Not that the DW thinks the ladies are all weak-kneed and ready to swoon at the first sight of a strapping young lad on a screen who whispers sweet nothings and actually puts the toilet seat down, but he certainly didn’t expect good ole fashioned romance to be outvoted five times over by man candy. Man candy! And three times over by snacks! If the DW had known how a poll like this would turn out, he would have started pumping iron and deep frying years ago.

(Can someone explain to the DW what it is about the medium of film that makes man candy the runaway winner, though? Because it doesn’t seem to work that way elsewhere. Like, there isn’t FHM for women. And porn is about 99.999999999999999 percent geared towards dudes. Is it just that the DW is defining ‘man candy’ in a different, more pectoral-centric way than a woman might?)

On the other hand, the DW readership had a pretty clear idea about the dudes. Explosions and sh&t was the runaway winner and was easily what the DW and most of his dude friends would have chosen. Sure, seriously hot women will get a dude’s attention in short order. Always have. Always will. There’s a reason the DW can’t walk twenty feet, even in superlefty S.F., without seeing a fake boob on a billboard or sign or phone booth or sticker. That stuff works. But the movies are still the place for explosions and sh%t. No helicopter or tugboat blows up quite the same way elsewhere as it does on the big screen.

And here’s the other thing. It’s probably exactly because the world has been carpeted with fake boobs that the movies aren’t the place for seriously hot women. Maybe thirty years ago, when Playboy was still scandalous and a Farah Fawcett poster could cause a sensation, a movie could draw some dudes with Bond girl cleavage alone. Now? Please. You can type “Ornithology” into Google and find cleavage. Porn is practically mainstream and starlets develop their allergies to underpants at a younger and younger age. Why waste some quality explosion time at the theater on more of the same?

Poll results #7

What European country do you find most annoying?

England – 18%
Germany – 9%
France – 30%
Italy – 15%
One of those other little ones – 27%

So, yeah. This one was a little off topic. Basically, the DW still had Euros on his mind after his Vietnam vacation.

See, it turns out they don’t travel any better than Americans – not that many Americans in Vietnam weren’t as “Ugly” as the stereotype, just that the Euros were no less privileged and colonial - and the DW was retroactively p^ssed off for every time he’s had a German coworker or met a Frenchman at a friend’s house or shared a beer with a Brit and, without protest, listened politely like a guilty oafish clod from the States to all the usual condescending talk about how we funny Americans drink huge sodas and must be simpletons because we think football, er, soccer, is boring and all the rest of it with the implication being that Euros are more classy.

Well, at least in the situation of traveling in Asia they’re not more classy and so the DW planned to write a 9000 word diatribe covering topics such as Colonialism, Cultural Relativism, Race, The History of the Entire World, and Why Do Euros Have Such Dumb Lookin’ Fashion. But that’s not really what you’re here for is it, dear readers?

And anyway, the DW cooled off and decided he wasn’t really up for trying to defend America against countries who have universal health care and sensible drug laws and, yeah, well, you get the idea.

Thanks for voting, anyway, though, and for giving France another in a centuries long line of Most Annoying awards. The DW is sure the French roll their eyes and turn up their noses in your general direction.

Until next time, best of luck with your dudes and your Euros,

the DW

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