[DW Note: For the first part of the story, see Dudefile #23 - The Dude on the Board]
Hey again, DW,
I should have thanked you long ago for your sound advice. I knew,without a doubt, you were totally on the money. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I haven't needed it. It's almost as if the Dude-on-the-board reads your blog. And, if that's the case, I'm going to resign my post on the grounds of sheer mortification.
By way of an update, I missed a committee meeting a month or so ago, he flaked on another (causing me to think "ah, more no-follow-through, he's thatkind of dude") – but in the last week we've had both a full board meeting and another committee meeting at which we were both inattendance.
Nothing. I got nothing. He barely even looked in my direction, sat as far away from me as physically possible (Seattle to my Miami as itwere). No hello, no goodbye (even when I bade him one on the wayout), no "kiss my ass, you filthy temptress." Last week I was grateful and relieved – yay, I can be in the same room without risking groping. But as of yesterday, amongst a smaller group – the distinct cold shoulder was weirder than the over-the-top flirting ever was. Does it have to be all or nothing? Can't we just be, I don't know, friendly (not be friends – but act friendly), professional, simply courteous?
Assuming (no offense) he either doesn't read your site or isn't your best dude friend or whatever, do you think this is indicative of a guilty conscience spurring him to better judgment? A word of wisdom (or gossip) from a colleague getting him to knock it off? Were he and his wife just having a bad relational hair day earlier in the yearwhich has no passed? Did I lose my Flusterfluffy heat in the space of a month? Yes, I know, that technically none of this has anything to do with me – but I'm still left to manage a weirdass situation. I love your sanity and would welcome hearing any further input youmight have on this evolution in awkwardness.
All my best,
Still Flustered, Apparently less Fluffy
Hi again Flusterfluff,
Thanks for the update! The DW loves updates. Loves them.
First of all, glad to hear it worked out without any real awkwardness. That's the biggest thing, right?
Also, the DW guarantees you didn't lose any fluffiness. In fact, it's exactly that you are still fluffy that makes the dude need to be, as you say, all or nothing. If you were a warty stinky troll he would have no problem whatsoever acting normal and unthreatened and unthreatening around you and never would have. But when a dude is attracted to a woman? Well, he wants to be with her or not be with her. He does not want to be kinda sorta near her. If he has no shot at getting her pants off it can be more of a distracting pain in the ass to be around a hot woman than anything. A reminder of what you can't have, as it were. Dudes, for friendship, by and large, want dudes and dude things and dude conversation. Really, the DW couldn't be friends with his wife if she was married to someone else because it would drive him nuts to be around her awesomeness and not be able to do anything with it but go home and spank away. That's fun once or twice, but quickly becomes just frustrating and sad.
And who knows- it also sounds like Board Dude's wife might have picked up on something in his behavior and politely suggested he quit daydreaming about a woman from a million years ago.
Whatever the case, you didn't get butt ugly over night and there's no real way to know what's up without asking him which would be, of course, incredibly unproductive. Just focus on how everything worked out for the best and how no homes will get wrecked and how you're free to unleash the fluff on someone else.