Dudefile #7 - There was Chemistry

DW,

I use to talk to this guy on Match a couple of years ago. The very first conversation, it didn't go well, I thought he was an asshole, and he thought I was a bratty bitch.... yet we continued chatting. In the middle of our conversation, something was said and he had said "you have to earn it" and I'm thinking "what a jerk off!"

Now, even though there was a strong chemistry, and yes there was, believe it or not, I ended up disappearing after our very first conversation for 2 months - Match was time consuming and I was getting endless e-mails. I started panning through old emails, came across his, and called him out of the blue....

As expected, he had his wall up - that’s an understatement. He didn't push me away, nor did he tell me not to ever call him. I think him liking me won out more...with him being pissed at me. He liked me and my disappearance kinda hurt him. After that, we talked alot..long hours...every night. But there was always an excuse why we couldn’t meet - it was always this or that with him, at first I was fine with it - as I don’t like to feel hunted.

Then I started to think is he married, but he called me every night ....so that couldn’t be it. He said that I gave him what no other girl that's he's talked to gave him - I pushed his buttons. He is older than me. And he likes the fact that I am younger, inexperienced. And I am alot younger than him. I later found out that he had back problems. He use to be one of those buff guys at the gym, and because of all that strenuous lifting, it did a number on his back. He’s 45 . He said he didn’t want to tell me, because he didn’t want to come off weak - as that might turn me off.

To this day we still haven't met, and I've told him to stop calling me and to go fuck himself. He says that he wants to meet me, but I feel there’s no respect there.... I feel like so much shit has happened already (without us meeting) I don't want to do it. So I know I have a lot of balls thinking this, but I figure, if he wanted to make amends with me...surprise me, send me flowers at work, a card. Ok, so we haven’t even gone out on a date yet, but what the fuck. Show me a sign that you really really like me. He has my work number, and I don't even have his home number anymore and he won't give it to me again. In the beginning when we first talked, if the phone disconnected our call, he would call back lickety split, he would call me at night, every night..now, none of that happens. I wrote him an email the other day, he didn't write back. When he recently called me, I basically said, "why are you calling me, so you can get off on me. Apparently no other chick is doing it for you. I do it for you, don't I.... Then he cursed and said "yeah, you do". He says he can't get me out of his mind, and that he could only imagine if we ever met.
I think if a guy really likes a girl, nothing will stop it. It’s that simple.

When I was younger, I walked into Rite Aid with a friend. There was 2 guys in there. My friend and I didn't notice. As we were walking out, one of the guys came over to me and said that his friend back there saw me. I never gave my number and told him the general area of where I lived....a couple of days passed, the same guy who approached me (who wasn't interested in me, but had approached me on behalf of his friend) that friend paid him to go to house to house to find me. Being a teeny, I didn’t truly see the significance of that. Just my own conceit of how hot I must be. In retrospect, it taught me a valuable lesson.

So Whisp - Should I call him now....and and...I don’t know what...or let the email stand, the one that I sent last week? the email he hasn’t responded to...dreading to hear the "out of the blue call" and what do I say, that I haven’t already been said...
p.s. why would a married guy like yourself care to give advice, opinions, guidance to girls.... what do you get out of it? why would you even care too?

wild orchid


Okay wild orchid,

This is a great example why the DW has a hard time with the word chemistry unless it is used in a context that includes white coats and beakers. Like partner in crime and soul mate, it has essentially no useful meaning to dudes. You describe your first impressions of this dude as “asshole” and “jerk off”, yet you had “strong chemistry”. This leads the DW to believe chemistry can logically be only one of two things.

1) Pure physical attraction and dudelike lust.
2) Magical fairie pixie dust.

If it’s number one, just bone the dude already, find out what you need to know about his former bodybuilder abs or whatever, never call the asshole back, and be done with this whole sordid situation. If it’s two, well, it’s gonna be a long, long road ahead for wild orchid.

Honestly, hacking through the underbrush of this he said, she said the DW cannot find one thing, save for this ethereal notion of chemistry, that you like about him. Not one lonesome little thing. And the only thing he likes about you is that you are young and inexperienced. Which is super creepy. As in, Super. Creepy. Really the only creepier thing I’ve heard in a long time was your digression into that Don Corleone of the Rite Aid that paid his friend to go door to door looking for you. Paid another dude. To go door to door. To find a teenage girl. You need better creep radar. And I mean in a hurry.

Anyway, all this is to say the DW is horribly confused. This is truly an astonishing amount of weirdness and drama that is utterly over his head. The only thing he can say for sure is that there is so much negativity, complication, and sheer white noise of supposition about this situation before you’ve even met, that there is approximately a negative 189% chance of this turning into something that does the least bit of good for either of you or anyone you know. Do not call this dude, about whatever you it is you think is going on, or for any other reason that comes to mind. Ever. Move on. That’s it.

Here’s to finding a dude with whom you can exchange pleasant words and niceties,
the DW

PS- since you ask, I do this for reasons like I said in the original post. Maybe I’ll add some text to the front page of the site, too. Some women friends thought it would be fun and perhaps, in some very small way, helpful to offer to the public what I was already offering in my kitchen over dinner- sharing elementary dude knowledge. Since I love to write, have an operating and research budget of $0.00, this seemed like a good format in which to start.