The question for Poll #1 was, If he had to do one of the following, which would the DW choose? And here's how readers voted:
1. Take a punch in the face – 46%
2. See 27 Dresses in the theater – 28%
3. Browse for an hour and a half in Pottery Barn – 20%
4. Go to any opera – 22%
5. Listen to an entire Sarah McLachlan record – 10%
Well, while the DW appreciates that his readers clearly picture him as the sort of swarthy manly man who would stick out his chin rather than compromise his tastes, the Take a punch in the face option half of you chose is not even near the top of this list. Of course, you may have simply chosen it because it was the obvious punchline (so to speak), but either way, very few dudes like to get punched in the face unless they have extremely niche bedroom habits or major daddy issues. Most of them will have a punched in the face story, though. Here’s one.
When he was 17, the DW was in D.C. on a high school trip and, upon seeing a parked Jeep with its lights on, did what seemed like the polite thing in the mind of a naïve kid from the south. Reached in and turned the lights off. And set off the Jeep’s alarm. That’s right, reached into some random Jeep in D.C. to turn off the lights. Truly those were simpler, more idealistic times in the brain of the wee DW. Anyway, naturally, four large dudes in rugby uniforms immediately come sprinting across a park and three lanes of traffic. They listened to the DW’s explanation for about 1.3 seconds (“It’s okay, I was just-”) and promptly punched him in the face. At first it was a kinda neat feeling in a tingly sparkly vision I Have Just Gained Some Sort of Life Experience way. But then it mostly just hurt like he'd been whacked with some kind of physical manifestation of Rachael Ray’s voice. Yum-O!
Anyway, for those who are interested, here is how the DW would have ranked the choices:
1. Opera. No doubt. The DW likes music to be complicated and new. Which is why the DWs wife won’t go near half his record collection. And opera would be new to his ears.
2. See 27 dresses. The DW can watch just about anything in a theater. Even crapola. Especially going in with spectacularly lowered expectations.
3. Browse Pottery Barn – The DW is not a browser. He believes in surgical strikes if, in the age of internet shopping, stores must be entered at all. In. Out. Like they never knew you were there.
4. Punch me.
5. Sorry, Sarah. The DW is pragmatic. And a whack in the jaw simply gives him less of a headache.
You may have noticed the larger font size this post. A couple readers asked why the text was so small before. Is that a dude thing? Well, it wasn’t a dude thing in terms of dudes having a preference for font size, but the DW supposes it probably was a dude thing in terms of unknowingly being insensitive to the needs of the ladies. Ever attentive, the DW has righted his wrong, now that it has been brought to attention. Which is actually a mini-lesson about dudes. You’ll notice the DW didn’t get defensive or refuse to do anything about the problem. He just didn’t know there was a problem. Tell a dude what you want, and if it’s reasonable and he likes you, he’ll do it. If a dude doesn’t know what the problem is, he’ll continue to frustrate you. Remember this. And enjoy the non-squinty nature of the blog from here on out.
Also, in case you missed the link on the left, the DW is now on MySpace. He’s trying his best to be a total networking ho, but so far the responses have mostly been from big organizations like Hillary Clinton for President and Van Halen 2008. So, if you’re in the MySpace neighborhood, come on by, say hi, and be the DW’s friend so you can leave him little notes with pictures of kittens or whatever people do on MySpace.
Have a good weekend,