The other night as the DW was waiting for an extremely hip band that shall go unnamed to come on stage, one of his friends, a woman, leaned over and said, “Hey, have you noticed how many of the women who write to you say they’re hot? What’s that about?”
Oh, the DW had noticed. And the letters already posted are just the tip of the red hot berg. The DW’s been feeling a little like Captain Kirk lately, living in a universe where you can’t turn over a rock on the remotest of planets without finding a hot chick. (Incidentally check out this excellent gallery of Star Trek babes.) Smokin hot, super hot, damned sexy, fine, the total package, HOT!!!. One after another, at least 85% of the letters the DW has received have contained some kind of very flattering self-assessment. The DW fears that, married or not, the pressure of such a sexy readership might lead him to try to impress so badly he’ll end up like Kirk, wearing a girdle as he steers his ship directly into the sun or something.
Anyway, the show of the hip band that shall go unnamed starts, the band is great, the crowd is congratulating itself for liking the hip band, and the DW thinks about what one woman said in her note directly after her own description of hotness. "I'm saying this because I don't think that this dude met me and then ran for the hills because I'm ugly." And the DW finally gets it. Duh. This is probably the logic of Everyone who writes in. Saying I’m hot is sort of code for Look, me being unattractive isn’t the problem, okay? What else you got?
So, is that all there is to the Declaration of Hotness? Or is there something else the DW doesn’t understand? If any of the women out there want to illuminate the DW, please comment away below. He always wants to learn. In the meantime, he will assume any Declaration of Hotness to mean you are relatively attractive and datable unless the facts strongly suggest otherwise.
And speaking of hotness, let’s briefly revisit the postscript to Dudefile #4 – The Bus Crush where SD wrote “I'm *smokin* hot, I don't know if that makes a difference.” At the time, the DW thought he would address this further, but has since decided against it. We all know smokin hot changes everything, right? Hot women get more dates, make more money, have more people laugh at their jokes. On and on and on. But, if anybody needs elaboration from a dude point of view, write in and we’ll pick it up again.
Other Quick notes:
- Thanks to Slutty SF Girl (who you may remember from Dudefile #5 – The Checkered Past) for this link. It’s just what the DW’s wife had been looking for. For other links, check out the left side of the page over there if you haven’t noticed them before.
- Also, thanks to LR for the lead on a gig. Too kind.